Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Butterflies Gone By


Is it too much to ask for magic? Am I too old to be expecting butterflies anymore? Have I lost the innocence and naivety needed to feel infatuation again? As I lie in bed next to Mr. Perfectforme, I inevitably feel the sneaking snake of doubt come creeping into my mind. I feel guilt for feeling doubt because I should be letting myself go, falling in love, head spinning. But I'm not. I'm thinking of dishes in the sink, presents to be wrapped, e-mails to reply to. When I roll over and sees his amazing baby blues staring at me, I don't get flutters and flickers. Instead, my mind floats back to another time, another place, another set of arms which, when wrapped among, gave me the flutters and flickers. I miss those arms and those feelings. I would give anything to have one more night in those arms, the butterflies flying crazy inside of me.

Monday, December 21, 2009

'Tis the Season for Love

'Tis the season for love and this is one of my favorite little holiday songs to celebrate having someone to smile about this Christmas.

Love and Merry Christmas!

Song: 30 Days by Never Shout Never!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Laying With the Wrong Person


The only way that this will work is if I keep you at bay; don’t let you get inside the wounded, bruised mess that is my heart. When you talk--your words so void of the deepness that I long for--I realize that you are decidedly not the man I should be sleeping next to. I realize that I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life, again. But for whatever reason—your smile, your eyes, your smell—-I can’t bring myself to do the right thing. Just tell you that I am not into this, that you are not what I need right now. Instead, I continue to let you think, believe, feel, get attached. What am I supposed to do? Crawl back to my own bed, alone, cold, unwanted? I’d rather keep you distant but right next to me. Keep the ideal you—-the one I was praying that you would turn into when we met-—in my thoughts and in my mind. Does this make me desperate, shallow, cruel? I’d rather lay with the wrong person knowingly than spend another night alone. I’m a mess of miscalculations and misreadings, but does that mean that I should go back to alone? A brave person would come clean, would admit to only needing you for your embrace. But brave I am not. I am afraid. I am weak-kneed. I am terrified to wake up and realize that I am totally, utterly and completely alone. So I keep you at bay, all the while knowing that you are falling and falling and that I am just waiting for the right moment to slip out into the night, away from you and the bucket of emotions you are poised to pour on me.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Unrequited Love


I can’t help it that I don’t feel that way
When I look at you.

I can’t help it that you do.
From the beginning I knew

This was all wrong.

I didn’t feel the ache for you.

Food tasted normal,

Birds sounded the same,

The sky was plain old blue.

But I needed it to be so badly
That I kept on.

I let it go.
I held you back.

All the while knowing that

I would never dream of you

Or feel that way when I look at you.




Image: WeHeartIt.com

Monday, November 16, 2009

Your Light For Me


Would you mind if I sat a while with you?

No words. No fuss.
I just want to sit in your warmth,
Feel your breath,
And share in your light.
The crazy day keeps knocking on my door,
Begging me to come out from under these sheets.
But you’re too good to pass up
And the day can wait.
I’m happy with you,
Happy enough to forget all about
The clouds that were settling in
Just before you lit up my life,
Bright and sunny for the world to see.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Learning to Say I Love You Again

I don’t know what your middle name is
Or if you went to the prom or not.
I don’t know your favorite color
And if you wear that color everyday.
I don’t know your music
Or if you like gel or paste toothpaste.
I don’t know when you were born or where,
How you got to be here or there.

I don’t know if you like The Beatles

Or D.H. Lawrence
Or hot dogs.
I don’t know what your mom does
Or how many times you’ve been to Disney.
I don’t know anything about you
Except that when you walk into the room,
Something happens to me.
Something that makes me believe again.
Something that makes me want to
Put my heart out there again.
Something that makes me want to
learn to say “I love you” again.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Feeling Like This

Sometimes it's so easy to get lost
In the busy days, nights, in betweens,
That I lose track of the fact that
I've been missing this in my life.
But when I see you,
I get those old feelings
That make me realize
How much I've missed feeling like this.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Would You Like to Fall With Me?




It’s been so long since I’ve felt
The weight of another person.

I wonder what your weight feels like.

You’re so cute when you’re nervous,

You smile a lot more and

Mess up your hair when you stumble over a word.

I haven’t fallen in so long,

Haven’t let myself go.

I finally have somewhere to fall and

Just want to ask you:

Would you like to fall with me?




Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/aaahhphil/3944631780/

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I've Fallen For You











Source: My apologies but I've lost the source on this one!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I Want To Know You

Why does talking to you,
Taking that first step toward you,
Have to be so hard?
I want to know you,
The real you.
I want to know if you sleep with socks on,
And if you sing in the shower,
And how you look when you
Hear a song you haven’t heard in years.
I want you to know all of my silly little quirks
And to see some of yours to fall in love with.
I want to ask you to share a coffee
And not say something dumb about
The weather or when the garbage goes out.
In my mind I’ve asked you a million times
To sit and get to love me
So I can get to love you.
In my mind you’ve called me
And I’ve answered and
I’ve finally gotten it right.
I can tell you are something special
Because every time I see you
I can’t even remember my name
Or how lonely I was
Just before you walked in.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Come Home

The minute you left
These walls felt too close.
Even the pictures felt wrong.
I listen for your car door,
your keys,
your feet on the mat.
Knowing that I’ll never hear them
Makes this emptiness even bigger.
I’m weak with wanting
To reach you. Tell you. Show you.
I’ve called for you everywhere
Knowing you are already
Too far to hear me.
We are already worlds apart.
I pace the floor,
Hoping that every approaching car
Is yours, coming to take me
In your arms and tell me that you’ve
Come home to me and
Let’s make some coffee and
Laugh at the world that’s full of people
Who will never be as lucky as we are.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The Quest

The quest for this continues...








Photo: theselby.com

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Fall Is


Two chai lattes, to go.

The scarf I knit you and
The mittens you gave me.
Warming up under a blanket.
Catching the warm days and
Laying in the park to savor them.
Crisp night skies with fall stars.
Leaves in my hair,
Dirt under your nails.
Carving our initials into a pumpkin.
Sharing a pocket so we can still hold hands.
Hearty soups and wholesome breads.
Remembering how your hair color
Changes with the seasons.
Forgetting the window open and
Having to sleep closer.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Love Rocks



Here's an adorable little pic that can remind us all of how amazing it is to fall in love!!

PS--Don't you just love desecration of public property in the name of love? :)


(Photo: www.quitor.com)

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Five Minutes 'Till I Move On


I guess you’ve moved on now

And this is that and that is this.
Wordlessly, there was a shift.
The constant messages that
Your heart sent to mine
Have stopped.
Without a warning
Without a chance for my heart
To realize what it’s like
Without them,
For my lungs to fill with air
That does not have your
Sweet smell on it.
She’s lucky and does she know it?
Does she appreciate the fact
That you know things about things
Or that you need help
Making the most mundane decisions.
I won’t help you anymore,
I can’t if I’m to go on
In this ugly world
Without you to make it
A little more pretty.
So I’ll pull these covers--
Our covers,
Covers under which magic happened--
Over my head
For five more minutes.
Five more minutes and then
I’ll move on, too.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Between Sheets

I just discovered this song from Imogen Heap's new album, Ellipse, and I am in love. Just the lyrics alone are enough to make you melt, let alone the dreamy, esoteric melody. Check it out...


Between Sheets

You and me between the sheets

It just doesn't get better than this.
The many windswept yellow stickies of my mind
Are the molten emotional front line.
I couldn't care less I'm transfixed in this absolute bliss.
Sweet sleepless, tumbling night
Oh, and the morning on your skin and loved up light.
Tracing patterns in the maze of your back
Softly, softly the goose bumps like that.
And then a kiss.
Maybe another,
And another one


Monday, August 17, 2009

Commes des Enfant

Even though I have no idea what she is saying, I can't help but play this adorable little love song from Coeur de Pirate over and over and over and......


Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Secret Love


When you love someone you should tell them, right?

What’s the point of keeping that all inside,
Never sharing it with the only person you’d ever want to tell.
Walking around with this
Love burden on my heart
Makes me want to get in my car,
Drive to your door,
Shout it out from the street that
I love you!
What have I got to lose?
Aside from you and me and us and everything.
No, the loss is too great,
The risk is too much.
I’d rather secret love you forever than ever
Tell you the truth.
So I’ll whisper it now, scribble it on this paper,
Tell only my heart’s version of you—
A version that takes me in his arms,
Breathes in my hair and asks,
What were you waiting for?
That I love you.
It just happened.
I really really love you.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Mr. Perfect, Found

I went on a date last night. He was absolutely perfect! Smart, funny, good-looking, witty, even smelled good. We talked for hours, smiling, drinking, casually touching arms now and then. He’s a med student with big plans to open a free clinic as soon as he’s licensed. He loves his mom and apple pie and outdoor concerts. We talked at length about literature and books and he wanted to know every detail of my silly quest to go back to school at age twenty-seven, making it seem much more important than it actually is. He maintained eye contact-—those beautiful baby blue eyes—-and never once let them wander to the much younger, much more drunk and cleavaged sorority girls that entered stage right about halfway through the night. He listened and asked and remembered and related. He got the door, paid the bill, walked me in and not once did he try to advance upon me, a perfect gentleman to the end. He is, in a word, perfect.

So why, if he’s so perfect, did I spend the whole night wondering what you were doing, when I’d get to hear your voice again, slip into your arms, forget all about Mr. Handsomedoctorperfect and just be me with you, you and me?

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

A Walk in the Park


I walked in the park today.
I saw couples and kids and dogs and bikes and
Summertime things that make me happy.
I thought about seeing these things with you
And it made me happy.
Come with me and I'll show you my park.
We'll lay in the grass and
Make up stories for all of the people
Who come and go.
Fast and slow.
And we'll be happy.



Photo: Photobucket

Monday, August 3, 2009

Lucky Sun


Stand in the light and
Let me see how the day
Clings to your body,
How the sun gets to rest
On your shoulders,
Making me burn with envy,
Making you seem to glow all the more.

Sometimes I wish I could just
Tell you about this heap of feelings
I have for you,
That I could somehow, without ruining us,
explain to you how everything--
eating, sleeping, dreaming--
is different with you.
Is warmer. Is richer. Is better.

I hate the sun for her ability to
Touch you so readily.
Without asking or pretending
To brush away a hair,
Or a string,
Or a bug,
Or my heart.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

You All Around


Something about this place reminds me of you.

Maybe it’s the way the breeze run its fingers through my hair,
Like you have so many times.
Maybe it’s the easy smiles that come
On easy faces, friendly and warm,
Soft and kind. Just like yours.

But the real truth is that it’s not this place.
It’s everyplace. Anyplace. Anyandeverywhere.
You follow me like the moon,
Appearing in this man’s eyes,
In that girl’s smile.
In this child’s laugh.

I could go to the ends of the earth and find you.
I would go to the ends of the earth to find you.




Image from Photobucket

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Sexiest. Poem. Ever.

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh . . . . And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new



Sooooo wish I could take credit but, alas, these
incredible words are from the great Mr. E.E. Cummings.

Read it again. You know you want to. :)

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Roadtrip

My silly girl heart soars
As my car scarfs up the road
Between you and me.
Windows down.
Wild hair.
Smiling at everyone who passes.

It's been so long since these arms held.
Since these knees got weak.
I want to race the whole way,
End the forever wait.

Then--somewhere around halfway, I think--
I slow right down.
Take it easy.
Savor this swelling of giddiness I feel
As I inch closer to you
Knowing that you are there,
Waiting for me,
With those arms open wide.
Just for me.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Just Friends


I'm sure you sleep just fine without me.
After all, why wouldn't you?
We're just friends.

I'm sure you never lay awake
Tossing and searching for my body,
Coming up with only a pillow.
You never dream about
My warm breath on your chest,
My hands in your hair,
My lips on your neck.

You never think about our nights,
Nights that I have memorized,
The nights my wild heart stayed awake for,
While you slept in my bed calmly: In, Out. In, Out.
The nights I watched you and crumbled
Each time you absently pulled me in
Or mumbled into my hair about how good I smell.

I'm sure you are sleeping just fine there
While I am here,
Clutching each of our secret moments
With a ferocity that you wouldn't understand.
You're sleeping just fine without me.
And why not?
We're only friends.


Image: thefashionspot


Monday, June 29, 2009

Crazy For You


If you've never heard the amazing voice of Adele, you must check her out. I've been humming this adorable song all weekend. It's "Crazy For You" and it makes me jealous that I didn't write it myself!


Found myself today singing out loud your name,

you said I'm crazy,
if I am, I'm crazy for you.

Sometimes sitting in the dark wishing you were here
turns me crazy,
but it's you who makes me lose my head.

And every time I'm meant to be acting sensible
you drift into my head
and turn me into a crumbling fool.

Tell me to run and I'll race,
if you want me to stop I'll freeze,
and if you are me gonna leave, just hold me closer baby,
and make me crazy for you.
Crazy for you.

Lately with this state I'm in I can't help myself but spin.
I wish you'd come over,
send me spinning closer to you.


I keep on trying, fighting these feelings away,
but the more I do,
the crazier I turn into.

My oh my, how my blood boils, its sweet taste for you,
strips me down bare
and gets me into my favorite mood.

Pacing floors and opening doors,
hoping you'll walk through
and save me boy,
because I'm too crazy for you.
Crazy for you.



Monday, June 22, 2009

Just A Minute



Just give me a minute
To get used to how amazing you feel.
To soak in this moment and
Breathe in your space.

Don't move an inch
While I memorize your lines.
Over. Under. Around. Through.

Forget the clock for our little while
And let this time be swollen and lazy.
Let's kick off our shoes and lounge
With this instant.
Practice forever--
Try it on for size.

Hold that crooked smile one more second.
Just long enough for me to get hooked;
For you to snag my heart.
Hook.
Line.
Sinker.


Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Me in the Eyes of a Friend



A friend recently gave me the best compliment I have received in a while. It is lingering with me so I thought I'd share it. He said: "You are refreshing to be around, someone such as yourself who very rarely or never
can't get over her problems/inner strife, who can always put the interaction above the self. It's as if you have some preternatural understanding of how being with someone in a good way can be all you need." What a beautifully stated expression to sum up a friend. I'm lucky.


Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

My Heart in Your Hands




The sound of your voice makes my

Little girl heart float out from me
And drift back and forth between us,
Like a Frisbee floating through the sky
On a beach somewhere in the ol’ US of A.

Be careful and catch it every time.
No tricks or catching it under your legs
Or flinging it backwards,
Hoping I snag it before the hot sand does.
No tricks.
Hey, that’s my heart in your hands.



Photo from: feelingz-unlimited.blogspot.com

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Past My Bedtime



With those warm arms wrapped around me,

It is easy to forget
That I was supposed to go home.


Monday, May 18, 2009

Flightless Bird, American Mouth

Turn up the volume. Sit back. Listen. One of the most poignant songs I've heard in a while. Iron and Wine.


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Keep It Together



If I had found more ways to love you,
Maybe these nights wouldn't be so cold,
And I wouldn't be walking around
These suffocating streets
With my insides out.

But the strings that tied us together got old.
They frayed like children's shoelaces.
We hung precariously--
You swinging your feet as if the fall
Wouldn't kill you,
As if you were gazing out to sea alone.
Me holding my breath,
Trying not to move,
Trying to keep it together.
If I could just keep this together.

Everyone has a reason for getting up,
For doing it all again.
Coffee.
Sunshine.
Backyards.
I wish I could have been your reason for getting up.


Thursday, May 7, 2009

Away We Go



We're all just looking for someone to call baby,
Someone to feel brave for,
Someone to leave the light on for.

My light's on and somewhere out there
Is my someone.
Come into my heart space.
Look around. Make yourself at home.
I'll always be on your side.
I will hold you for as long as you'd like.

And when someone arrives like an army of one,
We'll take hands and say
Away we go.
Away we go for as long as you'd like.


Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Love is All Around

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about all of the different kinds of love we experience on a daily basis. I mean, I love my mom so much, no matter how much she pushes my buttons. I love my dog when she curls up in my lap for a nap. Even still, I loooove the way bacon smells when it’s popping in the pan. These can’t possibly be the same kinds of love, right?

When I really start to think about it, I realize that I love a lot of things (and people) in a lot of different ways. My favorite poet is Marisa de los Santos and my favorite of her poems is one in which she describes loving a stranger. I apologize for not being able to find the poem right now, but the gist of it is this: She driving in a traffic jam on a super hot day. People are bumper to bumper and it’s so hot you can see the heat waves between cars. The guy in front of her stops driving inch-by-inch and a huge gap starts to open between him and the car in front of him. She is about to lay on her horn when she notices that he is staring, transfixed by something to their left. She looks over and sees the humongous and gorgeous moon rising up slowly. It takes her breath away and she suddenly realizes that she loves this stranger in a way that she could never love even her own husband. Of course, she describes it much more beautifully and poetically than I am…

I love this poem though because it describes this wonderfully intimate moment that this man is having with nature amidst the chaos and torture of a traffic jam. And the author, upon catching him in this secret moment of appreciation, can’t help but love him for it. I guess this is how I feel about many people: I can’t help but love them for just being who they are.

In my own life, I have this same sort of revelation on an almost daily basis. I love the mail guy because he knows every zip code in the county by heart. I love the bookstore lady because she can’t help but gush about her favorite novels. I love my grandpa’s friend because he flirts shamelessly even though he is 55 years older than me and religiously visits his wife’s grave everyday at 4 PM. There are little things about everyone that I love.

Generally, I think that this makes me a better person. I try hard to appreciate something in everyone. The part where I always get into trouble is when I actually do fall in love with someone. I have a hard time differentiating my everyday love from my I-want-to-be-with-you-everyday love. Can you really ever just be friends with someone of the opposite sex? Is it inevitable that one will fall for the other? Is it human nature (or just Sue-nature) to fall in love with your friends?

Monday, May 4, 2009

Love is All You Need

The graphs at GraphJam.com always make me smile and this one was just so cute, I had to share it. I think those Beatles were on to something...

Monday, April 27, 2009

Holes



I am ready to fill the holes in my photo albums
With someone new.





Photo:
http://www.xanga.com/itsalwaysbeenyou_quotes?nextdate=1/15/2009%2018:8:2.687






Thursday, April 23, 2009

Everything is Amazing, Nobody's Happy



I just watched this fantastically funny clip of comedian Louis CK on the Conan O'Brien show. I love the message of his segment: that everything is amazing but nobody's happy. I totally agree with him in that there are some mind-blowing, amazing things today that people just don't stop to appreciate. Technology is incredible, taking us places we've never been before. Connectivity is outstanding, virtually linking us to everyone else at all times. Information is vast, free and at our fingertips whenever we need it. It is an amazing time to be alive and, sadly, many people walk around with their iPods in their ears, cell phones on, complaining about the service availability. Take a look at this clip and maybe you, too, will feel incredibly thankful to be alive today.




Monday, April 20, 2009

A Cold Day In April

Today the wind blew so cold and so hard,
sending the trees to tap nervously against my window.
Days like this are much less bitter
when there is someone else to keep you warm.






Photo from lovepicturesoflove.net

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Simple Fulfillment




Someone told me I was a good writer today.

This meant more to me than all of the:

degrees
certificates
honors
medals
awards

that are gathering dust in my attic.


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

An Awakening



However inappropriate this may be, I just love it. To me, the only thing better than falling slowly and sweetly in love with someone is getting slapped broadside across the face with the fact that you are in love!! It's the sneaking love, the love that you can't believe is happening, that is the more fun and exhilarating kind. Sort of like when you fall in love with your best friend and you think, Shit, now how did THIS happen?

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Dresses For You

I wore a dress for you.
With each spin I made, my eyes browsed the door,
Longing and hoping to see your entrance.
You never came and my heart knew this
Long before the ice melted in my drink.
It will be so good again.
I will wear dresses for you everyday
And whisper secrets to you in funny little voices.
I wonder if you know the power of your scent on my pillow
Or how the sound of the door hinge
Makes my heart sink.





Image from: weheartit.com

Monday, April 13, 2009

The Game of Love




One of my very best friends got married this past weekend in a beautiful ceremony, reception and all-around day. I have to admit though, that I was, selfishly, dreading the day. I mean I love Lori and her new husband is great and it has nothing to do with them as a couple whatsoever. My impending dread had wholly and completely everything to do with my own turmoil.

Being a 26 year-old divorced woman is a typically shocking and pity-inducing thing for many people to discover. On the exterior, I probably seem to have it all together: college graduate, articulate, goal-oriented, friendly and generally high-spirited. When people find out that I am divorced, I get a mixture of “Awwws,” and “Poor things” and “How the hell did that happens”. And the truth is, sometimes I wonder these things myself!

I have always held marriage with such high regard. My parents have been married for 33 years. Both sets of grandparents topped fifty years. Marriage has always been a sacred, wonderful, certainly difficult at times, union that is the ultimate expression of love and devotion in my eyes. When I vowed in front of everyone I knew to be with one man forever, I meant it! Yet here I am, four short years later, ironing out the details of a divorce from that exact man.

The plain truth is that life is a crazy crazy journey and you just never know where it will lead you. Likewise, people, minds, relationships and lives change every second of every day and sometimes those changes are just too much for the heart to handle. I am certainly not pardoning the collapse of my marriage, but I have learned over the past two years to look at things through kinder eyes and to realize that everything happens for a reason.

Having made it through my friend’s wedding unscathed and overjoyous at her overjoyousness, I can even further appreciate the gamble that love truly is. Lori is a beautiful, strong and intelligent woman who has taken the ultimate chance on love. What more amazing thing can you think of?

A wise friend once told me that love is a crapshoot and a scary game, but one that is too sweet to resist. Each of us can make a choice in life and in love: you can either sit on the sidelines and watch others play the scary and wonderful game of love without you, or you can join in and give it a go. Sure, you’re bound to get scraped, bruised, hurt and damaged, but isn’t the end result worth the risk? For what kind of life is one lived without loving?

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

A little note can go a long way.



Somewhere in all of the random websites I find, I came across this photo. The idea is simple, it's a small business card with the short message, "You are beautiful" on it. Once given the card, you are meant to pass it on to someone who you think is beautiful.

I absolutely love this idea!! I think that why it appeals to me so much is because so many people have such a hard time expressing how they feel to another person. This little act of kindness lets someone else know that you care and can totally brighten someone's day.

I saw another site once where a girl wrote little notes in her notebook and tore out the pages, hiding them about in public places for others to find. For example, she left one in a public restroom thanking the cleaners for working so hard; another was a positive thought left for someone on a park bench. This seems like such a fun and easy way to make someone's day a little bit more cheery. I think I will do this. But, knowing me, I will probably hide around the corner to watch for the finder's expression as they happen upon my little happy note. :)


Monday, April 6, 2009

Sweet Dreams



As night deepens and the cool air pushes its way past our curtain,
Your sweet breath slows and creates the rhythm I live by.
Our feet are tangled in sheets,
But that doesn’t matter because they are our sheets.

You are a million miles away and,
While my mind busies with a million little getting ready things,
My eyes settle on your gentle rise and fall.
Rise.
Fall.

Spaceships orbit earth.
I motate, emote, transform.
And still, your gentle rise and fall brings me home,
Like the fast pedals of my bike.
Like the fastest pedaling on my bike.

Through the cloak of night,
I watch your eyelashes flutter.
I come and fill the empty space your body bends to,
And your rhythm becomes mine.
Rise.
Fall.
You.
Me.





Focus on the good.



I have this friend who is utterly, incessantly, obnoxiously positive. Just to be clear, I am a very positive person. But this friend, he can take virtually any situation and pull something positive out of it. I mean, when I told said friend of my impending divorce and how my ex had cheated and what a bastard, etc., my friend actually had me relating to my ex! By the end of our conversation, I was actually forgiving the cheating ex-husband and thinking of how our separation was a blessing in disguise. (Of course, this friend was and probably is right but as a newly cheated on divorcee, sometimes you just want to bitch and wallow, right? Over time, I have learned not to go to him for one of my whiny, I-just-want-you-to-listen-and-agree conversations. I rely on my other, more melodramatic friends for those times. :) )

I came across this quote and instantly thought of my friend and instantly felt grateful to have him in my life. Because he and the anonymous quote-sayer are right: life is way too short to be anything less than happy. And when you surround yourself with people, books, movies, food and other things that make you undeniably happy, it is much harder to focus on the bad in your life. If there is one thing that I have learned in life, it's that laughter truly is the best medicine. And knowing someone with whom you can regularly share a gut-busting, tear-inducing, whole-hearted laugh is priceless.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Smiles of love.

Everyone has someone in their life who can make them smile no matter what.

Who is your someone?



Monday, March 30, 2009

What an amazing video...

Watching this video makes me warm and happy. Just thought I'd share it.


Sunday, March 29, 2009

Our Song

I am getting good at forgetting you.
I have learned to collect all of the scrambling memories I have of you,
Running around like fluffy little chicks.
I scoop them up quickly, stick them in a box and close the lid that throbs like a new bruise.

But every once in a while, a little yellow memory escapes
And sneaks its oily way into my conscience,
Interrupting a once placid moment.

Once, I was in the grocery store--
Way in the grocery store--
Far from any exit and easy escape,
When I heard the old familiar notes of our song beginning to play on my rustiest heartstring.

As I stood in the cereal aisle with Chex in one hand, Cheerios in the other,
I flooded with poultry of what these words once were to me, to us.
I recalled the time shopping for towels that our tune played
And you wordlessly pulled me in to sway right there
Among the Egyptian cotton and terrycloth.

How I cherished that moment then.
How I am haunted by it now.
The lyrics, now so laden with meaning,
Laughing in my face with irony,
Make me want to tear open the boxes in my hands
And watch the breakfast roll down the manilla tiles of aisle seven.

A life that we once swore was better together
Is distant. Foreign. Foggy.

I soon realize that I have been deciding for five minutes.
I scoop up the chick, tuck it back inside its box
And put the cereal back on the shelf.
I exit the store leaving my appetite and the memory on the shelf.




Friday, March 27, 2009

What is it With Love?

The great William Shakespeare once said, “To say the truth, reason and love keep little company together now-a-days.” Truer words were never spoken! So what is it about love that makes intelligent, sensible people into witless, imprudent fools?

I, myself, am no exception to the foolhardiness of love. My poor heart has been stretched, squeezed and popped so many times that it’s a wonder it is still beating. With my ingĂ©nue sense of hope, I walk clumsily through my days falling in love with everyone I meet. This is not to say that I have a relationship, or even a conversation, with most of the people I fall in love with. Rather, I hold in my mind a wonderfully idealistic view of who everyone I encounter is in their own lives. In my wild mind, everyone, from the man who bags my groceries to the fellow who tears my movie stub, is an friendly, happy and romantic being just waiting to share his love with me.

I play out these beautiful, poetry-laden conversations with my fantasy Joes all day long. This one smiles crookedly at me, so he harbors a secret passion for French cuisine and is just dying to cook me up a soufflĂ© au fromage. That one says, “How can I help you?” in a voice so smooth it can only be used to sing me a gorgeous and delightful love song.

No matter who they are or what they are doing, I can find something to love in everyone, a fact that leaves me extremely open and vulnerable. I dig around in the recesses of my mind, searching for the inherent goodness in every man and woman I come across. Because of this, I wander through the supermarket and the drug store and the deli with a silly grin pasted on my face for every person I meet. Every outing is a new opportunity for love and every new face inspires a fresh round of make-believe confabulation.

But no matter how silly this is or how irresponsible I am with my heart, I would rather walk around as an over-loving sap than as a hardened emotional statue. So perhaps Mr. Shakespeare was right, love and reason cannot take up residence in the same heart, but is a silly, unreasoning heart such a bad thing afterall?


Some Great Veins

"Wow! You have great veins!" As if I haven't heard this every time they tighten the tourniquet; as if this is supposed to make me feel good about the fact that they are pilfering 9 vials of blood. Am I supposed to say thank you? I swear, the phlebotomists see me coming and draw straws to see who is going to get me. "If only everyone could have such great veins as this!" If only I wasn't the only one in the waiting room who can't qualify for the early bird special.


I look around at the others in the room. Most are old enough to be my grandparents. They stare at me like I am some sort of oddity, asking with their eyes, why are you here? I feel their pity like a wet blanket surrounding me and it is suffocating. The receptionist, who always calls my honey or sweetie, taps her fake nails on the counter and smiles a sympathetic smile at me. I straighten in my seat and try to watch the medical TV that is blaring in the corner. Why can't they just put on something mindless like Golden Girls or The Price is Right? Instead, we all pretend to be really interested in what happens when you crack your knuckles and how to prevent osteoarthritis.


I stare at my hands, wondering what I ever did to make them rebel against me. I cross and uncross my legs trying fruitlessly to find a comfortable spot. Soon I will be called back for more poking and prodding. The technician will mix my concoction and affix my needle. I've done this enough, why do I still get nervous? I make eye contact with a small woman who is so riddled with arthritis that she is nearly folded in half, her knotty hands clutching a leopard-print cane. She squints her eyes in an ancient smile and says, "We can still wear necklaces." I notice she has three on, one with a bright blue pendant. "And bracelets," I tell her, showing her my two.


"Susan!" It's my turn. As I cross the room, all of the wise eyes follow me, noticing my all-too-familiar gait. Down the narrow, bright hallway I am led. I take my seat among the infusion elders, saying my hellos to the other regulars. Most have been there for hours and are sleeping or talking softly to their neighbors. Our large rolling chairs form a neat half-circle so that we are all facing one another, the fluid-filled bags hanging like ornaments on cold metal Christmas trees. The technician comes over to take my vitals and get me started. She wraps the blue smelly rubber around my bicep and I see her face light up. "Oh my, you have such great veins!" I just smile and say thank you.